A Pompey Christmas Carol

This story isn't written by me. This tale comes from Chris Pook.
My own Christmas story will be written tommorow so until then enjoy this

one!
 






A Pompey Christmas Carol

Ebenezer Mandaric is a penny pincher who watches over his money (sorry
Milan!!). He works alongside his long-suffering servant Harry ‘Bob
Cratchit’ Redknapp and hates Christmas. Mandaric would deny Redknapp the
money for big name signings and instead he would have to scratch around
the ‘bargain basement’ for any potential new signings.

It was Christmas Eve when Mandaric settled down for a good nights sleep
when the ghostly spectre of Velimir Zajec (who had previously worked under
Mandaric) appeared wearing a blue baseball cap. “Ebenezer, I have come to
warn you”, he began in his Croatian twang. “You will be visited by three
ghosts tonight, the ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future. They will
show you what will happen to you if you carry on like you have. Be warned.”

Mandaric put out by this, pulled his PFC bed spread over his head and went
back to sleep. But soon enough, he was woken by the eerie sound of the
first ghoul. Startled, Ebenezer woke up and jumped out of bed. “Mandaric,
follow me and I will show you the error of your ways”. Mandaric followed
the ghost to the window where he looked out and saw Pompey’s Eastleigh
training ground. “What do you see?”, enquired the ghost. “A team of value
for money signings that have performed in the way of a Premiership team”,
he replied. The ghost grabbed him by the hand and took him to have a 
closer look. When they arrived Mandaric could see Collins Mbesuma in the
players bar when he should be at training. “You paid £500,000 for him and
he hasn’t made a start. You received £7.5m for Yakubu so where has the
money gone”. He also saw Zvonimir Vukic injuring ankle ligaments playing
football-baseball with a guy called Perrin, and a game of head tennis
between Azar Karadas and Hamilton Thorp (thank god this is only a
dream!!). “As you can see Ebenezer, your past thriftiness and willingness
to sell good players and replace them with inadequate ones will leave you
relegated and penniless, is this what you want?”

Before he could blink Ebenezer was back in his penthouse Port Solent
apartment. Shaken and a little ill at seeing the size of Mbesuma’s thighs
he returned to bed. An hour or so later he was awoken again. “Mr Mandaric,
I am the ghost of Christmas Present come with me for I have something to
show you”, said the ghost. He reluctantly pulled Ebenezer to a muted
Fratton Park. “What do you see here?”, asked the ghost. “This is ‘the best
squad since I’ve been here’”, replied Mandaric. Stifling a laugh the ghost
nvited him to look closer at what he could see. On the pitch Pompey were
deep in relegation mire. Viafara gave away possession yet again and the
crowd were getting restless. Elsewhere, De Zeeuw was helping Wigan to
another clean sheet and win where Camara and Francis had scored. Yakubu
had banged in another goal for Middlesbrough and Karadas was stripping off
to come on. Mandaric went white as a sheet. “You see Ebenezer, this is
what state the current Pompey side is in, if you do not buy some decent
players you will be relegated, just like the Scummers”

Manadaric found himself back in his apartment alone shivering with fear.
He went back to bed and covered his ears. But sure enough, just as Zajec
had said, the third ghost appeared. “Ebeneezer, I am the ghost of
Christmas Future and I am here to show you what will happen if you don’t
change your ways”. Mandaric and the ghost found themselves at Fratton Park
once more. The once crowded stadium was virtually empty and crumbling to
bits as plans for the new stadium had still not been started. Mandaric 
gasped as Gillingham scored another past Westerveld as Clive Woodward
orchestrated from the sidelines. And the media had left Mandaric alone and
there were no more back page stories. “This is awful, absolutely awful”,
said Mandaric and before he could say Giannis Skopelitis he was back home.

Christmas morning came and Ebenezer woke with a spring in his step. He
marched down to the humble Poole residence of his beleaguered assistant
Redknapp and handed him a £45m transfer kitty with a spend big transfer
policy. He instructed work to start straight away on the new ground and
all in the town of Portsmouth basked in the collective glow of the season.
Mandaric vowed never to go back to his old ways and within two seasons
Pompey were in Europe being lead out in a gleaming new stadium by their
new captain Ronaldinho.

I think the moral of the story this year for Pompey is to learn from our
mistakes. We have bought badly and thrown good money after bad and
employed regimes that didn’t fit the club in the past. That is indeed in
the past and as fans we must unite and make sure that we don’t get
punished for some misinformed decisions. The hope is there that we will
escape relegation and I strongly think it possible so lets let bygones be
bygones and all get behind the side to make sure we stay where we
belong!!!

I would just like to say for the record I don’t really think Milan
Mandaric is a penny pincher and to thank him for saving Portsmouth
Football Club!!!! That didn’t make as good a story though!!! Play Up
Pompey