Damien Francis
Although not quite up to the year long Alexei Smertin saga, the six month Tim Sherwood affair or the summer of 2002's question on everyone's lips - "Mark Burchill, will he or won't he?" - this story has certainly been dragging on for a long time. Arguably too long. It now seems however that his move to Wigan is assured. By all accounts the Latics have only offered £1m but will pay the whole lot up front, whilst meanwhile we've offered between £1.2-1.5m, but want to put it in installments. As for the player himself, getting paid more and being a guaranteed starter at Wigan is obviously tempting. Being relegated two seasons in a row probably not as much so.
David Bentley
Former Damien Francis team-mate when on loan at Norwich last season, Arsenal are looking to loan him out again. Being a winger, and us being missing a winger, the tabloids have put two and two together and given us him on a loan deal for a year. I'd be most surprised if it happened although I wouldn't mind him here (apart from the fact he seems to be a disruptive little bugger).
Steve Marlet
The want-away Fulham man hasn't been able to secure a move to France, where he's been floating about on loan for the last couple of years. This rumour was about last week and is making an unlikely comeback thanks to The Times, and what with him being a potential striker, midfielder and winger - AND French - he fits our "Potential Portsmouth Signings for Idiots/Journalists" profile rather nicely.
Kim Kallstrom
Linked with us again, as he was under Redknapp (and was again to Southampton in January). Clearly the thought here is that he plays in France and is Swedish, and of course at the start of the summer Alain said he was a fan of players from Sweden because they have an English "hard as nails" mentality to football. He's a good player and, what's more, a Championship Manager legend. Unfortunately he has been linked to practically every club in England so there's as much chance as Perrin pouncing as there is Curbishley.
Nicky Butt
Apparently he's going to sign for Sunderland but has turned down ourselves and Wigan. Fratton Faithful's expert and considered opinion on this is "what a load of crap".
Arjan De Zeeuw
According to the ever reliable source that is Meridian News, he wants a meeting with Alain to "demand" (dramatic eh) to know why he isn't getting a starting spot. It seems a bit odd since he was on Sky Sports News a couple of weeks back saying how he loves a challenge and wants to fight for his place although this story is starting to circulate and pick up pace; but anyway, if he's watched Linvoy in the last couple of years he should know that not being first choice doesn't mean anything - he could easily stack up thirty plus appearances. The bottom line, as much as I love Zoo, is that O'Brien and Stef are our first choice centre backs and are the best two at the club, so everyone else is scratching around for when injury or suspension comes into play. And - although I really like him so it does pain me to say it - his form at the end of last season was hardly awe inspiring.