The Time Machine
So, in honour of this event, and in no way related to the fact that my contract says I have to do five articles a week and there's absolutely no news, I thought I'd take a look back five years and see how things were back then - and what's happened to the squad of superstars who narrowly avoided relegation in season 00/01 under the command of three different managers.
There were plenty of new faces on show; Linvoy Primus joined on a free transfer from Reading, Shaun Derry moved south from Sheffield United, Nigel Quashie came from divisional rivals Nottingham Forest and Mladen Rudonja was an unknown quantity from St Truiden. The biggest summer move was Lee Mills who came from Bradford for £1.2m as our record transfer. Don't laugh.
Rather than give you the "4-1-1" (as I believe they say on "the street") about every single soul we had on the books in those days, instead I'll flick forwards a month to our first game of the season, a 2-0 away defeat at Sheffield United. Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you...
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
Russell Hoult - Threw a strop after getting dropped by Steve Claridge and said he "didn't move to Portsmouth to sit on the bench". Got sold to West Brom whereupon he couldn't displace Brian Jensen, causing him to remark he "didn't move to WBA to sit on the bench". Eventually got number one spot and was touted as an England contender at one point.
Justin Edinburgh - Forced to retire through injury in 2002, Justin is now manager of Billericay and occasional guest commentator on the god-awful cable TV show, "Fash's Football Challenge".
Linvoy Primus - Still here of course. Every season he hasn't started as first choice, and every season he's been absolutely essential. He marked his debut with an own goal, so I suppose you could argue that it was guaranteed to get better from there on.
Shaun Derry - Enjoyed a mixed time at Fratton where his "agricultural" style won him support from the fans, but not from referees. Indeed, one of his trademark shows of aggression saw him flick a V-sign at the North Stand in 2002 and he was sold to Crystal Palace soon after. He now sports a lovely mop of flowing locks and plays for Leeds.
Kevin Harper - Like the majority of our squad he struggled in 00/01, however he carried his poor form over and had an absolute shocker the season after where he was sent off more times than he scored. Not ideal for an attacking midfielder. Still, he won the boo-boys over in the Championship season and even got a chant dedicated to him, with the more-than-slightly-ironic "Kevin Harper Football Genius". Now plying his trade with Stoke where his position is up in the air following the sacking of Tony Pulis.
Ceri Hughes - Joined Cardiff in 2002 and then retired without even playing for them. Boring!
Tom Curtis - Got injured in the League Cup a couple of weeks into the season and by the time he came back to full fitness it became apparent that he wasn't actually very good. Now plays for Mansfield.
Andy Awford - After suffering yet another injury he finally called it a day, although was rewarded for his service by becoming a coach. Eventually he stepped up to reserve team coach for a couple of years, although has been deemed surplus to requirements as part of Perrin's plans to make us more professional rather than the "old boys network".
Thomas Thorgersen - Something of a cult hero, this hairy Dane stunned the footballing world with his revelation in the matchday programme that he was currently working on a 4,000 piece puzzle of fairies with his wife and enjoyed painting with watercolours. He left the club at the end of the season and returned to Denmark.
Lee Bradbury - He tried, bless him. Plugged away for the rest of the season and scored on the last day to help keep us up, although his 01/02 campaign was disrupted when a Millwall defender tried to chop him in half. After recovering from the serious knee injury that followed he had a spell or two out on loan and returned in time to score the goal that got us promoted to the Premiership. In a different reality, anyway. In the real world he scored the goal that COULD have got us promoted to the Premiership but then we threw away the one goal lead at home against a side who got relegated - at the end of the season he cleared off to Oxford anyway, which is where he still is to this day.
Lee Mills - A woeful player who would later suffer a serious knee injury like every other Portsmouth striker. He most enjoyed his time at Fratton when forced to play at emergency centre back; the reason he gave for this was because "if you hit it out of play up front it's a bad touch, if you do it in defence it's a good clearance". And I think that tells you all you need to know. Since gone on to hit the heights at Coventry, Telford and Hereford.
Russell Hoult - Threw a strop after getting dropped by Steve Claridge and said he "didn't move to Portsmouth to sit on the bench". Got sold to West Brom whereupon he couldn't displace Brian Jensen, causing him to remark he "didn't move to WBA to sit on the bench". Eventually got number one spot and was touted as an England contender at one point.
Justin Edinburgh - Forced to retire through injury in 2002, Justin is now manager of Billericay and occasional guest commentator on the god-awful cable TV show, "Fash's Football Challenge".
Linvoy Primus - Still here of course. Every season he hasn't started as first choice, and every season he's been absolutely essential. He marked his debut with an own goal, so I suppose you could argue that it was guaranteed to get better from there on.
Shaun Derry - Enjoyed a mixed time at Fratton where his "agricultural" style won him support from the fans, but not from referees. Indeed, one of his trademark shows of aggression saw him flick a V-sign at the North Stand in 2002 and he was sold to Crystal Palace soon after. He now sports a lovely mop of flowing locks and plays for Leeds.
Kevin Harper - Like the majority of our squad he struggled in 00/01, however he carried his poor form over and had an absolute shocker the season after where he was sent off more times than he scored. Not ideal for an attacking midfielder. Still, he won the boo-boys over in the Championship season and even got a chant dedicated to him, with the more-than-slightly-ironic "Kevin Harper Football Genius". Now plying his trade with Stoke where his position is up in the air following the sacking of Tony Pulis.
Ceri Hughes - Joined Cardiff in 2002 and then retired without even playing for them. Boring!
Tom Curtis - Got injured in the League Cup a couple of weeks into the season and by the time he came back to full fitness it became apparent that he wasn't actually very good. Now plays for Mansfield.
Andy Awford - After suffering yet another injury he finally called it a day, although was rewarded for his service by becoming a coach. Eventually he stepped up to reserve team coach for a couple of years, although has been deemed surplus to requirements as part of Perrin's plans to make us more professional rather than the "old boys network".
Thomas Thorgersen - Something of a cult hero, this hairy Dane stunned the footballing world with his revelation in the matchday programme that he was currently working on a 4,000 piece puzzle of fairies with his wife and enjoyed painting with watercolours. He left the club at the end of the season and returned to Denmark.
Lee Bradbury - He tried, bless him. Plugged away for the rest of the season and scored on the last day to help keep us up, although his 01/02 campaign was disrupted when a Millwall defender tried to chop him in half. After recovering from the serious knee injury that followed he had a spell or two out on loan and returned in time to score the goal that got us promoted to the Premiership. In a different reality, anyway. In the real world he scored the goal that COULD have got us promoted to the Premiership but then we threw away the one goal lead at home against a side who got relegated - at the end of the season he cleared off to Oxford anyway, which is where he still is to this day.
Lee Mills - A woeful player who would later suffer a serious knee injury like every other Portsmouth striker. He most enjoyed his time at Fratton when forced to play at emergency centre back; the reason he gave for this was because "if you hit it out of play up front it's a bad touch, if you do it in defence it's a good clearance". And I think that tells you all you need to know. Since gone on to hit the heights at Coventry, Telford and Hereford.
Out of the twenty-nine players we had on our books at the start of that campaign;
- Three of them are still with us
- Twelve are no longer playing professionally
- Two are playing for other Premiership clubs
- Eight are still in the game as coaches or managers
- Twelve are no longer playing professionally
- Two are playing for other Premiership clubs
- Eight are still in the game as coaches or managers
That is a fact, knowledge is the bomb, and I thankyou.