Striker Poser
Worryingly, however, the facts mark out an altogether different story - between them they have a whopping twenty-two goals in the Premiership. Yes fact fans, I'm sorry to announce that our front line have a collective goal scoring tally only slightly better than Ade Akinbiyi's. Far from ideal I'm sure you'll agree, as well as taking into account the fact that three of our nine are likely to depart for the African Cup of Nations along with Aliou Cissé. Just as worrying and in typical Portsmouth fashion, a seperate three of our nine have had a serious knee injury in their career and are still recovering or clearly suffering because of it.
So who do we have for next season, and what can we realistically expect?
LuaLua
Surely the first name on the team sheet when it comes to strikers next season. His last campaign was disrupted by injury and a completely needless five match suspension, but as he showed towards the end of the season he's starting to mature into a proper player rather than just this supposed tricks machine. If he can realise his potential then he can be a world beater, and considering the supposed rumour about him moving to Spain at the end of the season he can at least give us something to remember him by after saving him from the dregs of Newcastle's reserves.
Surely the first name on the team sheet when it comes to strikers next season. His last campaign was disrupted by injury and a completely needless five match suspension, but as he showed towards the end of the season he's starting to mature into a proper player rather than just this supposed tricks machine. If he can realise his potential then he can be a world beater, and considering the supposed rumour about him moving to Spain at the end of the season he can at least give us something to remember him by after saving him from the dregs of Newcastle's reserves.
Kammy
The sooner he realises he's an attacking midfielder rather than a striker the better. Rumours around a possible sale are gathering pace in Italy but I hope we hold on to him as next year could be a big season for him with the right coaching. You know Dio, sometimes you can pass the ball rather than shooting! It's true! Still I won't hold it against him as long as he keeps on cracking out the classic ten minute long goal celebrations, e.g. Charlton at Fratton.
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The Hurricane
We come now to our latest addition. I don't really know what to expect of him next campaign; obviously he's had the heat taken off him already by Storrie saying that he'll need time to adjust, but come on - with that many goals to his name last season it's inevitable that the fans are going to be excted. He's an early contender for "brick shithouse of the year" and, what's more, he's got the "X factor" on his side in that no-one really knows about him. And when defenders don't know how to play against you, even if you're rubbish like Jon Stead, you can still grab a few goals by acting on their lack of knowledge.
We come now to our latest addition. I don't really know what to expect of him next campaign; obviously he's had the heat taken off him already by Storrie saying that he'll need time to adjust, but come on - with that many goals to his name last season it's inevitable that the fans are going to be excted. He's an early contender for "brick shithouse of the year" and, what's more, he's got the "X factor" on his side in that no-one really knows about him. And when defenders don't know how to play against you, even if you're rubbish like Jon Stead, you can still grab a few goals by acting on their lack of knowledge.
Ricky F
Sadly I fear the end may well be nigh for Mr Fuller. He had a really tough time having to play up front on his own for so long but he sealed his departure by scoring for Jamaica last week. Is he taking the mick or something? He goes 37 games with only one scuffed strike for us and then has the cheek to just wander off and score for his country, as if to rub our noses in it! WELL NO MORE! I predict a drop down to the Championship for this man.
Sadly I fear the end may well be nigh for Mr Fuller. He had a really tough time having to play up front on his own for so long but he sealed his departure by scoring for Jamaica last week. Is he taking the mick or something? He goes 37 games with only one scuffed strike for us and then has the cheek to just wander off and score for his country, as if to rub our noses in it! WELL NO MORE! I predict a drop down to the Championship for this man.
Vinnie
He'll be the surprise package next year, take my word for it. When we got promoted, it was a close call between him and the Yak as to who was the better player. Now that's not to say I'm expecting twenty goals out of him or something; to be honest I don't reckon we'll see much of him until after Christmas with his recovery from injury. But who can forget the FA Cup tie at Old Trafford where he dominated Rio Ferdinand? Alright, so we've got to be patient with him but having had a full pre-season and with a bit of time, he can make a huge impact. You heard it here first!
He'll be the surprise package next year, take my word for it. When we got promoted, it was a close call between him and the Yak as to who was the better player. Now that's not to say I'm expecting twenty goals out of him or something; to be honest I don't reckon we'll see much of him until after Christmas with his recovery from injury. But who can forget the FA Cup tie at Old Trafford where he dominated Rio Ferdinand? Alright, so we've got to be patient with him but having had a full pre-season and with a bit of time, he can make a huge impact. You heard it here first!
Mornar
He's got a better strike rate than Fuller anyway. Barely played on loan at Rennes last season due to injury but, in an odd sort of way, I'd like to see him given a chance here. He's a different option to what we've got, you have to give him that - a large target man with a bit of aerial presence. We never saw the best of him under Redknapp as he was forced out onto the right wing but give him a partner in the middle and he could be a good option for the last ten minutes if we need a change of plan. I'm not saying he should be a week-in week-out starter, but he brings something else to the side that we don't really have. We've got plenty of lads who can do the "heads down, burning pace and a few tricks" business but no-one with real presence. And anyway, would you want to be the one to tell Mornar that he hasn't got a future here?
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Toddy
Sadly for everyone's favourite Bulgarian he'll never be as important for us as he was in his Golden Boot winning 02/03 season, and he really has got a struggle on his hands to get back in the team. His injury shouldn't have changed the way he plays too much since he was never about pace, but even when we first got promoted there were doubts over whether he could cut it in the Premiership. Two years out of the game with only one substitute appearance eighteen months ago before another breakdown leads you to think that it's just not going to go his way. Time is not on his side either. This is making me depressed now.
Sadly for everyone's favourite Bulgarian he'll never be as important for us as he was in his Golden Boot winning 02/03 season, and he really has got a struggle on his hands to get back in the team. His injury shouldn't have changed the way he plays too much since he was never about pace, but even when we first got promoted there were doubts over whether he could cut it in the Premiership. Two years out of the game with only one substitute appearance eighteen months ago before another breakdown leads you to think that it's just not going to go his way. Time is not on his side either. This is making me depressed now.
Rodic
Hmm.
Hmm.
Horsted and Keene
Two young lads eh? A spell in the world of real football, that's what they need. Send them out to some god foresaken outpost like Grimsby and Carlisle, let them clean the freezing cold toilets with a toothbrush, have seven bells kicked out of them by crappy old defenders plodding around who were never good in the first place (stand up Carlton Palmer) and then bring them back in a year and see if they're still alive and still want to be professional footballers. If so, send them out on loan again. Then they might be ready.
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All this, and we could've had Wanchope as well had he not instead opted for wheelbarrows of cash in Qatar. Still, I'd rather be in the position of having too many options than too little and ending up signing some random like Olzsar again.