Aah, '92 (cue hazy and dew-eyed memories even though I wasn't there). The side who infamously beat us one step from Wembley, Liverpool, have also felt our wrath in recent years. In league and cup since promotion our record against the Scousers reads played 6, won 2, lost 2 and drawn 2 - nothing all that spectacular until you consider
a) they're European Champions
b) we're former Division One relegation fodder
c) one of the draws was a hilarious last minute goal from LuaLua
Still, this is Pompey, and we rarely have things our own way. "Proof! Give me proof", I hear you cry. Oh, go on then. Our top four (because I couldn't think of five) bogey teams in reverse order...
4 - Everton
With a Duncan Ferguson own goal at Goodison this year some of my personal demons have been laid to rest, but that was our first victory there since 1956. Admittedly our matches against the blue side of the Mersey have been infrequent but even the clashes since promotion have frequently had cause for vast anger; Rooney somehow not getting sent off in a game featuring some classic Srnicek blunders for example, or the 2-1 last minute win away last season. How about the two boring 1-0 defeats home and away too that could've gone either way? Damn them.
3 - Southampton
Just our luck that one of the sides we're traditionally rubbish against is our local rivals. Ignoring our generally terrible record against them over the last century, you've also got some marvellous examples of our recent catastrophic performances - four cup defeats in '84, '05, '03 and '96 - the first two in the last minute; not to mention beaten in the league in '03 and '04. Including once when they'd just lost 5-2 to Watford and were without a win under Steve Wigley, a game in which the shortest man on the pitch scored a header. Sums it up nicely I think.
2 - Sheffield United
You can trace this one back to 1987 and "The Battle of Bramall Lane"; Tait, Dillon and Gilbert all sent off in a game we lost 1-0 (predictably) to an own goal. But of course bogey teams have to keep up their period of jammy/irritating results, and so they have - not least being one of the three teams to beat us at Fratton in the promotion season with a last minute winner from a defensive error. And of course, there was the 4-3 injury time defeat the season before featuring a "Shaun Derry gets red mist" shocker. How about the dire 0-0 pre-Christmas in 2000? Or just the simple fact Neil Warnock is their manager, reason enough surely to despise any club? The general bottom line is that Sheffield United are gits. But no match for number one...
1 - Leicester City
We start at the beginning, and believe me the beginning in this case is a LONG time ago. It's 1929 and Portsmouth travel to Leicester and are beaten 10-0, and that's still our record competitive defeat. Or how about 1949, when favourites Portsmouth travel to Highbury in the FA Cup semi-finals to seemingly secure their trip to Wembley and a chance to complete the double (except Leicester from the league below beat them 3-1). What about 1993 in the play-offs when Ormondroyd scored from a mere eighty yards offside, a decision the referee later admitted was "debatable"? And that's without even having time to mention losing 2-0 at water polo, an equally poor performance in the Premiership a year later with the same scoreline and then getting done 3-1 towards the end of the season when they were already relegated. And how can anyone like a side whose team used to be made up of the likes of Izzet, Dickov, Elliot, Taggart and Walker? And how about the fact I've seen us play them so often and still have only ever seen us beat them in a sodding pre-season friendly?
Still I suppose it could be worse. At least Leicester have a Premiership history and have won a cup in the last decade; it's no genuine embarrassment to lose the odd game to them. God knows how it must feel to be a fan of Middlesbrough, have seen your team spend £70m and still can't beat a side who are - according to the "experts" - one of the worst teams in the league and with a manager on the brink...