Johan Viafara
Colombian midfielder, in fact he played against England in the recent friendly. His club are the interestingly named Once Caldas and apparently his "representatives" (sounds a bit suspect to me) are flying to Spain to tie up a £750,000 deal. I have a couple of questions about this; why does he need many "representatives", and what the hell is the reason for flying to Spain? Why not England, where Portsmouth actually is? Or have I missed something here? Maybe Spain is just sunnier which makes everyone happy so they want to do a deal. (Having said that, it's been bloody boiling down here today so maybe we should sign him in Gunwharf Quays and convince him the weather is always this nice).
John Aloisi
When "Aloisi, Jonty Aloisi" was sold seven years ago, this scenario would never have been imagined. At the time we were knee-deep in debt and having a football club to support was the main concern, let alone one playing in the top flight of English football. And now the man we let go for a cut price £650,000 is being linked with a return to Fratton Park. His spell at Coventry was fairly uneventful and so he went off to Spain and played for Osasuna; he's now available on a free transfer and rumours are picking up pace. What's more, Steve Claridge told "The News" that he'd be a good signing. So I'm convinced.
Ifeanyi Udeze
A rumour from a couple of days ago, apparently he's going to meet the fan's un-favourite Velimir Zajec and discuss a £1m deal. Not many more details going on this one I'm afraid.
Pierre FanFan
Quoted in the French media as saying, "I read in the press Portsmouth have an interest, I am in no hurry, I still have attracted clubs. Moreover I don't know what Paris want to do with me, I didn't have a phone call with anyone." So it seems like a move for this PSG player is still on the cards and, what's more, the French Connection could obviously come into play. We'll wait and see.
Alexei Smertin
Given a brief mention in - shock horror - "The News"! Who'd have thought it. Very unusual I grant you, since "The News" only tend to mention Smertin on days the end in a Y.