Individuals

Player of the season
1) Dejan Stefanovic
2) Lomana LuaLua
3) Steve Stone

I love Dejan, it has to be said. I know there's no such thing as loyalty in football in these days but if there was, he would be it. Admittedly he makes his fair share of clumsy mistakes from time to time but for sheer commitment, strength, determination and class he deserves it. If LuaLua had played more this season he would've been in with a very strong shout - and the fact it took him so bloody long to finally score a goal this campaign - whilst Steve Stone is Mr Energy. But Dejan gets it.

Goal of the season
1) Patrik Berger vs Charlton
2) LuaLua vs Southampton (goal number two)
3) Gary O'Neil vs Manchester United

I really sweated over this one. Alright, so the winner is obvious - Berger's 35 yard turn and volley should win overall goal of the season, let alone Portsmouth goal of the season - but there were a couple of others bubbling under. LuaLua's goal at Fulham, for example, was a wonderful piece of skill. And Yakubu, although better known as a great scorer of goals rather than a scorer of great goals, nearly broke the net with a fantastic finish at Everton which I was so tempted to make 3rd place. Instead, I opted for O'Neil's half-volley at Old Trafford (you just know if Rooney had scored it we'd still have to hear about it every day), and LuaLua's pinged finish off the post in the derby. Not bad for someone who went off injured a minute later.

Underachiever of the season
1) Ricardo Fuller
2) Yakubu
3) Patrik Berger

I've been planning this list article for the last week or so, and from the outset Yakubu has been the number one "underachiever". However given his record of seventeen goals, I feel that mantle is perhaps a touch unfair. No doubting that he has still majorly underachieved with his viciously disinterested performances and, if he had put his mind to it, he could easily have got twenty-five goals this season and found himself off to somewhere like Chelsea rather than Middlesbrough. All disrespect intended. Patrik Berger, likewise, played well for us a maximum of five times this season. Some tremendous long shots but not really enough to justify his hype and, more importantly, £20,000+ a week. But despite the obvious shortcomings there can only be one winner and all I need to say is thirty-seven appearances, one goal. Not for want of trying, but hardly a Premier League goalscoring record.

Save of the season
1) Jamie Ashdown from Robbie Fowler, vs Manchester City
2) Shaka Hislop from Gonzalo Sorondo, vs Crystal Palace
3) Jamie Ashdown from Nigel Quashie, vs Southampton

This one took a long time to think about since I tend to try and block out every attack the opposition ever makes (I find it easier on my blood pressure that way). Having said that, even I can remember these three. Ashdown's superb dive and palm round the post in the derby from a Quashie long-shot is well worth a mention, not least because of the circumstances, but nowhere near as good as Shaka's stunning reaction save on Boxing Day from all of three yards out at Selhurst Park. But top of the bunch is Ashdown again, this time flying to his right in front of the Fratton End to keep out a fierce and seemingly goal-bound shot from from former Liverpool man Robbie Fowler. Well done Jamie - you might be ridiculously error prone, but you still get save of the season.

Miss of the season
1) Valery Mezague vs Crystal Palace
2) Steve Stone vs Liverpool
3) Gary O'Neil vs Arsenal

It's time to stop being proud about your appearance in this list. O'Neil broke through the Gunners backline and with just the keeper to beat decided his preferred option would be to roll the ball into the side netting. It takes all sorts. Steve Stone is saved from the number one spot purely by virtue of the fact the ball was ever-so-slightly behind him when played across the box, although I still feel slightly generous letting him off for missing a completely open goal from three yards out. Having said that, number one goes to Valery Mezague who not only managed to match up Steve Stone by missing an open net via a cross from the left, but he also managed to go one better by spectacularly ballooning it over into Row Z and beyond. Sadly for Valery, he a) has a girl's name and b) will only be remembered for this miss after he's gone.

Goalkeeping error of the season
1) Shaka Hislop vs Charlton
2) Jamie Ashdown vs Watford
3) Kostas Chalkias vs Arsenal

A concerning state of affairs that narrowing it down to three was really difficult. Shaka slipping the ball into his own net from a harmless Unsworth back-header was always going to win this one, and after that it was a straight battle between Jamie and Chalky to see who could "out-crap" the other. Dropping the ball behind him and into the path of the opposition secures Jamie second spot, whilst Chalky's heroics at catching the ball, spilling it onto his knee and deflecting it in from an Henry free-kick see him sneak in. Much like the ball did. But there really were loads to chose from here.

Defensive blunder of the season
1) Arjan De Zeeuw vs Fulham
2) Linvoy Primus vs Fulham
3) Dejan Stefanovic vs Manchester City

Just our luck that two of our most solid defenders saved their best mistakes for the same game. De Zeeuw obviously skipped page one of the defender's guidebook which firmly states "NEVER LET IT BOUNCE!", whilst Linvoy's copy was missing page two; "DON'T TRY AND TAKE THE BALL ROUND PACEY OPPOSITION STRIKERS". Dejan meanwhile has no time for all this clever business, he simply decided to fall over in his own six yard box with Shaun Wright-Phillips lurking.

The biggest danger to mankind
1) Diomansy Kamara
2) Nigel Quashie
3) Ricardo Fuller

Beware! These are the players most likely to make contact with your face with yet another random swing at the ball under the excuse of "a shot". Quashie isn't popular round here anymore but even so is certainly a deserved inclusion, but even he can't beat Kammy to top spot. Who else can take it round five players, get six yards out, go back round a couple more and THEN "unleash the fury" into the stand? Fuller is a deserved inclusion as his goals per game ratio shows, although calling him a "danger" is perhaps over the top as most of his shots have run out of power by the time they reach the advertising boards.

Biggest "boo boy" turnaround
1) Andy Griffin
2) Aliou Cissé
3) Giannis Skopelitis

Make no bones - bare or otherwise - about it, Andy Griffin was not popular when he first arrived at Fratton Park. It wasn't until the turn of the year that people finally began to accept that he was a decent player and now, when fit, he's probably the owner of the right back position with his fearsome tackles. Cissé was also pronounced as "not good enough" when he first turned up, not helped by the fact Redknapp never played him, but now has established himself as a bit of a cult hero. There's still work to be done for Skopelitis, but he's finally starting to turn the corner and be recognised as a footballer rather than "that other Greek signed by Zajec". Admittedly that statement is true and he is handicapped by having a name that sounds like a sexual disease, but hopefully he'll get the chance to show he's up to the challenge next season.

Sympathy card
1) Shaka Hislop
2) David Unsworth
3) Kostas Chalkias

100 performances with barely an error, and suddenly thrown onto the football scrapheap. That's what became of Shaka after expressing his thoughts about moving to Southampton when the rivalry was ridiculously fiery before this season's cup clash, and he never played again. Unsworth looked solid (if not podgy round the edges, and pretty much everywhere else, come to think of it) whilst with us before falling out, guilty of Redknapp-love, whilst Chalkias was thrown in to a South Coast derby three days after turning up in the country and having only met his new teammates once. Played a mean offside trap, though - shame his confidence in this country will never recover, and the same can probably be said of our confidence in him.

Own goal of the season
1) Tony Popovic, Crystal Palace
2) Darren Purse, West Brom
3) Dejan Stefanovic vs West Brom

There's nothing funnier in professional football than the sight of someone thumping it into the back of his own net, and as usual there's been some crackers this season. None can beat Popovic's flicked backheel lob over his own keeper this season, and few ever will for as long as the game is played. Darren Purse decided to take the law into his own hands and deny Russell Hoult a simple catch by deftly flicking it inside the near post instead, but he could argue he was only making Dejan feel better after he decided the best course of action in a tight situation would be to score and make the nasty oppositions strikers go away.

Worst refeering performance of the season
1) Matt Messias vs Newcastle
2) Andy D'Urso vs Blackburn
3) Mark Clattenburg vs Blackburn Rovers

In reverse order, then. Clattenburg didn't really do too much wrong in the game itself but how he failed to award a penalty in the dying minutes when Friedel shoved Fuller - well, for that alone he gets in. The other two are far more deserved inclusions however. Andy D'Urso showed his trademark complete lack of control by booking eight and sending off two in our 1-0 defeat to Blackburn. But even he was outdone by the sheer incompetence of Matt Messias who managed to book nine in a game which, as Joe Jordan so accurately remarked, "didn't even have a bad challenge". Just praise the lord that Rob Styles used to be a Portsmouth season ticket holder so he can't referee any of our games.

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